Destinies
by Faith4000
Summary: Originally called "A Pure Fantasy"… To the world he was one person; to her he was the world…but is it mutual? For all M/G lovers.
1. Chapter 1

A Pure Fantasy

_Goose pimples made __her bare frame shiver in the darkness of the night, his gentle breathing glazing the soft skin of her shoulder, whispering her favourite nickname with such passion and adoration that it brought happy tears to settle in her eyes. _

_Her heart thumped hard at the touch of his thumb gliding sensually over her skin, he was murmuring love to her, his veneration for her person, her soul and inner self. His addiction was transmitted like pollen into a flower, denoting his worshiping heart to the light of his life. _

_His __magnificent physique had loved hers tonight like no other did, for a single night she could have him all, she listened to his opulent words that confessed how much of him belonged to her. _

_his reached level of obsession planed bitter sweet emotions in her heart, she could not describe that more than 'pure fantasy'…there he was, uttering insane words of his devotion, how he only thought of her, every minute of everyday, his every act's aim to satisfy or impress her, his last level of being in love that would be the death of him if he didn't have her for himself _

_She__ loved that man just as much but that hidden wild connection could not be let out to reality, perhaps it would work as pillow talk, a soul feeding secret that they might share under the sheets like they did now but she would never let it out to the world, not even to him for the moment._

_As hard as he tried to make her talk to him, his smooth attractive lips grazing hers, wordlessly saying they belonged nowhere but against her plum ones, she kept quiet, her tears divulging her unreasonable love. _

_He egged on, breathing how they could not separate, not tonight, not ever, recounting his craziest fantasy of how he wished they could stay under those quilts to the last breath, how he wanted to make love to her over and over again until their bodies would feel as one…but all those words…a 'pure fantasy'…_

Garcia's eyes shot open, feeling a tear over the side of her face, the image of Morgan in bed with her a few seconds ago flashed before her eyes and they closed again in agony, she should have known; it had all been just a dream…

**A/N: did you like? For now just a one-shot but could lead to a quite long exciting story if you want :)**

**Just a few words of encouragement from you M/G lovers and the deal is on.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: hello dearies :D first, huge thanks to all those who read, reviewed and alerted and added to favourites, I'm continuing this**** story for you. **

**In this second chapter Penelope doesn't know Derek is dating Tamara, so reaction is to be expected. I pray this won't disappoint. Enjoy :D **

To be truly tormented, one must love.

Penelope opened her door, a file in her hand as she strolled out of her office to go to the bullpen, needing to deposit it on Hotch's desk.

She had been buried between those four walls for countless hours helping the team in their quite difficult case.

Today she was glad it was over, they were coming home and safe, soon enough she would be seeing her chocolate Adonis again and maybe go for an easy night out to relieve all the stress they had accompanied by all the team.

Derek and she had by miracle re-made that close friendship bound again since Hotch got his unit chief place back.

Five nights ago her erotic dream had shaken hidden feelings she was still struggling with and did her best to forget, till now she was thankfully successful, forcing herself to remember her boyfriend every time those emotions struck, convincing herself that she cared for Derek as a close friend only and was happy to have him near her, but those thin walls of resistance were about to fade in a second as she stepped by his office and heard the phone ring.

Mastering some hesitation, she entered and answered leisurely "Morgan's office"

A clear woman's voice spoke and Penelope's heart clenched with pain, she was asking for Derek, her _boyfriend_ as she called him and Penelope recognized her voice at once, there was no doubt that woman was Tamara Barnes and Derek had been dating her without saying a word of it.

Clearing her voice very quietly to be able to speak, shutting her aching heart out, she answered "I'm sorry he's out of town right now, he should be back by the evening…" the change in her voice from enthusiasm to weakness was obvious and she fought to mask it but vainly.

"Right, he said that but I can't reach him on his cell…could you please tell him he's invited over for dinner?"

every word the lady said dug a dagger into Penelope and she couldn't help feeling stupid for even dreaming of him loving her, he had completely moved on now, he was dating again and there she was admitting her feelings inside and letting some parts of her build up harming hope that had just hit the most fragile point.

She concentrated her brain back on the present unpleasant situation and replied, her tone saddened and mildly shaky from the helpless tears fighting their way up to her eyes "um, sure I'll tell him" her dry throat was becoming sore at the polite and gloomily happy tone of Tamara as she thanked her and hung up.

Penelope placed the receiver back in its cradle with a slightly trembling hand. Motionless for a second with pain yet flaming anger, she inhaled deeply, _no_ she wouldn't cry… she would never shed a tear for this…her dreams at night might have taken over and made her weep in her sleep but it would never happen to her now.

Pretending to be fine and her usual self she walked to the bull pen, taking the file to Hotch's office as planned.

Inside she forlornly fell apart, she preferred to battle her emotions and deny she loved Derek, it was way less painful that way… and letting furiousness replace it raised up her energy better.

she had gone back to her office and worked all day, taking impulsive decisions already, she should never have flirted with him in the first place she thought, years before she could have prevented this, well…she knew what to do now, keep as far away from him as possible because if she found herself near him, all those artificial brief feelings she was sensing now would vanish and go back to square one; her pain coming back and this time crushing her for good.

The team had arrived at the BAU at twilight and unfortunately for Penelope she was present in the bullpen, it was ironic how she had avoided going up there for hours, in case the team would come back early but figured they would for certain come at a later hour.

Since that morning, the anger battling the agony was failing and all sorts of thoughts flowed through her mind, that woman had Derek in her life, sharing every passing day with him; she could love, touch or kiss him whenever she wanted because he was hers, having maybe a promising future by his side.

It not only made her jealous but realise her hopes didn't stand a chance in reality. Tamara had all of him and what did she have? nothing but a complicated, odd relationship which they called close friendship, one she wanted no more, it was too painful… upset was scarred inside her now by the fact that he kept his dating secret, maybe he though if she'd known, she would lecture him again…and he would be right she would but only out of coated jealousy.

The perplexity inside her was driving her nuts, a part of her was still denying her feelings, she forced herself into remembering her boyfriend, her sweet, nice and tender Kevin that loved her deeply and didn't miss a day in showing it to her, such a pity she couldn't feel the same about him, even in bed, she gave only half of herself every time, it was all forceful pretence of love. She liked him, even a lot but her heart just wasn't in it, the more she wanted to part from him the more he insisted on getting closer to her and she was slowly starting to wish she'd leave Virginia and everything behind.

Her mind in a muddle and her body reacting to every thought clouding her brain, she was on the verge of tears. She saw Hotch, Rossi and Emily come into the bullpen and she turned to leave, praying they haven't seen her.

"Hey PG," Emily called out and Penelope turned, forcing a fake cheerful smile to settle on her paled face. "Hey…welcome back" she replied in attempted casuistry.

She hurried out of there and was once again passed by another member of the team, Reid waved casually to her and she forced a small smile that appeared directly false to him.

JJ had noticed her completely changed mood, sad and hurt like she had never seen her before. She walked directly to her, not letting her pass by like the others did "Pen are you okay?" she questioned, coming face to face with her.

Garcia stared at her, "yeah" she hastily answered with a kind smile. JJ had been her other best friend with whom she could share every secret, they were the girly comfort for each other whenever there was a problem and if there was one person that could read her like a book it was indeed JJ.

Penelope tried to master the last bit of tenacity she had and shifted her eyes, not willing to keep eye contact in case Jennifer read her thoughts. Her stare landed on the elevator door opening and the held in tears speedily welled up in her eyes at the sight of _him…_holding his go bag to his shoulder while trekking out of the elevator. Derek lifted his head, his eyes locking coincidently with hers and turning worried by her visible weepy expression.

Spotting her tearful emotions slightly etched on her face, JJ followed her stare and saw Morgan standing there in alarm. Suddenly, JJ recognized the hurt in Pen's visage, having her own idea of what was wrong with her friend. Penelope faced her again gulping, trying to hide her face from Derek that was hesitating in approaching her.

Wrapping a soothing arm around Pen's shoulders, she spoke gently "come with me," she led her to her office, without a word, hoping her friend would open up to her without her having to ask any question.

After she had her seated, the door closed, she sat beside her in her dimly lit office, listening to Penelope's weepy words that recounted the events of the phone call, the dreams she had been having about Morgan and even the ache she was having at that moment.

JJ only rubbed a hand over Garcia's back, a sad sympathy look on her face at the heartbreak of her best friend. "God-why does it hurt so _bad_?" Penelope uttered tearfully.

"I think we both know the answer to that…" JJ answered vaguely, her eyes fixing ahead for a minute.

"no, I can't be-I have Kevin" she started, blubbering "and Derek-he-he's-" she chocked on her words as she burst into tears again, leaning into JJ's embrace, crying heavily and letting her sorrow out.

Jennifer's eyes were prickling with tears too, she felt awful for Pen because she knew what it felt like and she knew Morgan as well, he had been the player kind all his life but his relationship with Tamara seemed to be strong and serious and that's what apparently broke Garcia's heart. she wished she could find words of comfort, anything that'd make her feel better but out of experience she preferred to be quiet and just be the shoulder her best friend could cry on for, nothing would appease the pain, except if it were Derek himself and only by telling her he loved her back.

A rapid knock on the door made them both jump and Garcia gasped at the sound of Morgan's voice asking JJ to open the, locked, door. "I don't want to see him, please keep him out" Pen demanded rapidly while JJ gave quick nods. She walked to the door and opened it mildly, hearing Pen sniff, clearly still crying.

Derek looked over Jennifer's shoulder with concern, catching sight of a crying Penelope sitting at the desk. Jennifer tried to push the door to block out his sight but only in vain as his strong arm pushed it wider.

"What's going on?" he asked with apprehension and JJ retorted "nothing-"

"Let me talk to her" he cut off.

"She doesn't want to. It's better you leave Morgan" she replied and he retorted furiously "like hell I will," he pushed his way through and hurried towards Garcia. She jerked up from her chair before he could reach out to touch her.

"what's wrong baby girl-" he began and she cut off bitterly "don't call me that!" her tearful expression mixed with anger as she glared at him "don't ever call me _anything_ like that again"

He stilled with a face of offence, confusion and resentment. He uttered her name lowly in ambiguity and she let out a shaky feeble sigh, her head looking away for a second. She turned to him once more and informed with a furious icy tone that divulged the cause to her current state "your girlfriend called…she'd invited you over for dinner" her words spat out in anger and hurt, he could see the tears renew as she added than left "you should go now, she wouldn't want you to be late"

JJ went after her, leaving Morgan with closed eyes, exhaling deeply in realization. He had feared Garcia's reaction and thought she'd lecture him, avoiding telling her for that exact reason.

Now he was left confused by her unexpected outburst which he couldn't really work out and wondering how on earth he'd be able to fix the unrepairable.

**A/N: shall I go on? Please say how you found it. Thankies**** :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey people, deepest apolog****ies for this late update, I've been really busy and did my best to post this today, have fun, here's the awaited chapter and huge thank you-s for everyone who read and reviewed. :)**

Truth emerges more readily from error than from confusion.

His plate full, the meal appetizing, he looked down at it absent-mindedly. His fork sinking in the food, playing with it and not a slice getting to his mouth, Derek sat in front of his girlfriend thinking, his brain only focused on the red-haired Penelope Garcia that startled and confused him with her hardly imaginable reaction.

Why did she look so shattered? He had awaited displeasure, that she would show some upset maybe but never this. She almost seemed…_no,_ she wouldn't be…

Now his feelings were playing tricks on him and he'd never let that happen, not after he had succeeded in getting her back after the awkwardness they had lived a few months ago, not after he had finally accepted the fact that she belonged to Lynch and that he only crushed his ego by telling her he loved her years before than naively believed she'd run to him, not after he built up some hope of a working relationship with Tamara, no…there was no way he would believe Garcia was _heart broken_.

Then what was it? She was angry and hurt, anyone would see that and clearly, after what his profiler's guts told him, it was a reaction to Tamara's phone call, that memory brought back his attention to the fine woman in front of him, his eyes drifted up to her, contemplating her looks and gracefulness.

He heartily admitted to himself he didn't love her but she meant much to him, she had helped him to reconnect with his job and himself like he said once, she represented a steady life, a home, a good wife and children that would make his existence more meaningful but saying he wanted that would be lie…for the first time in months now he finally asked himself; was she the woman he wanted and needed?

Deep down he knew the answer _and_ the solution but it was a fantasy, an unreachable dream which burnt him like fire when he attempted to approach it. _Penelope_ was a dream, one that ripped up his hope of being with her years ago and forced him to turn the page.

He recalled the day he found out of her dating Kevin Lynch, the way he unnoticeably stormed out of the BAU, willing to get drunk at his stupidity in believing she'd wait for him or wouldn't look at another. That same night he had thought everything through, he had respected her choice; he had shut off his heart and started slowly backing off, probably for good and crossed her name from his _wife to be_ project.

In a way he had realized then it was his fault, he was saving the best for the end, thinking Penelope would be safely his once he'd get enough of playing around, he had lost the most precious thing in life and gulped that reality down than moved on…

The thoughts of Penelope brought his mind back to concentrate on what happened earlier in the bullpen, she had left so suddenly without explanation, so coldly that it hurt him worse. He had thought it a blessing of having her back as his best closest friend, even if they couldn't be together, he was already happy of having her at least, in a way sharing his life.

And now… like an idiot he lost it all again, by keeping his relationship with Tamara secret, but even if he had told her before, what would it have changed? Maybe she would have had the same strange outburst…

All these questions ate at him, and he needed answers, he needed to know why it hurt her, since she also had someone in her life. He needed to know if she'd ever let him into her life again, in short he needed to know if he could repair his mistake.

"Derek, is everything okay?" Tamara spoke smoothly with concern.

Snapping back to present, he cracked a gentle smile "yeah…just fine"

"You're being too quiet tonight… Is it work?" he only shook his head no.

"Well, you know I'm a good listener" she spoke in offer, her hand moving to cover his.

"Tamara…" he started vaguely, his eyes fixing that same hand as he stilled pensively. A dozen of seconds later, he lifted his head to look at her again and sighed heavily "I gotta go" he finished, rising up from his chair.

Taken by surprise, her lips parted in disappointment and offence "but you barely touched your dinner…"

"I know I'm sorry. There is something I need to do." He justified, donning on his jacket. She stood quickly, following him to the door and called his name.

Derek watched her nearing him and stood on her toes, pecking his lips lovingly, her digits gliding over his jaw line.

He smiled lightly and muttered "catch you later". She wrapped her arms around herself watching him leave in a hurry.

_Meanwhile _

Penelope was completely relaxed by now, her tears vanished, her heart slightly lightened up by JJ's soothing words after she had followed her to her office and stayed with her for a couple of hours. She was now walking up the stairs wearily to her apartment, eager to get some rest after that long day.

Turning her key in the lock, her brows furrowed at the unlocked door. She opened it and noticed the warm golden romantic glow of the slow-burning red candles that created a warm, inviting and sensual ambience. A soft smile started curving her lips when she saw Kevin there, flashing his big 'surprise' grin while standing next to a beautifully laid table and the seemingly delicious dinner.

She languidly made her way to him and stopped in her tracks as her mind for a fraction of a second provided her with the image of Morgan standing in his place, her forgotten tears renewed in a trice and Kevin walked to her, cupping her face delicately, bringing her back to reality.

"Hard day?" he questioned, analyzing the tears forming quickly in her eyes. She nodded her expression mildly tearful. He brushed his lips against hers adoringly and pulled away with a smile. She sniffed, smiling back and shaking Morgan out of her head.

"This is nice Kevin," she started as he pulled her chair for her to sit "thank you".

"Tonight is a special occasion" he replied enthusiastically, taking a seat facing her.

"May I know what it is?" she purred in her most seductive voice.

He grinned in response, lowering his head, insinuating a no. she let that go as they ate in silence, except for a few words he uttered to start a conversation which she turned down with her nods and affirmative humming.

Before they had the time to finish their dinner, he said enthusiastically "all right-I was going to wait till later but I can't-"

He hastily stood up with a happy enamoured expression and came to her side, leaning down next to her and pulling out a ring box.

Her lips parted in shock rather than surprise, her tears welling up instantly in her eyes at the pain inside her; she had always dreamed of this moment, always wondered what it would feel like to be asked the one question she wanted to say _yes_ to but not from Kevin, it had always been Derek in her daydreams.

Her boyfriend was kneeled, hopeful, the gorgeous ring offered to her with all his love, the question already left out lingering in the air as his expecting happy eyes mistook her tears and awaited a positive answer.

Penelope sobbed silently, her hand covering her mouth in agony as her eyes closed, she was about to destroy him, her faithful venerating, gentle infatuated companion that stood by her side for what seemed like forever was now going to be damaged by her one possible word.

She lowered her hand, her expression tearful as she eyed him; she let out a shaky breath, prematurely beaten by guilt and pity "I …can't." she finally uttered and saw the light leave his eyes. Reactively he looked at her in disbelief, not sure if he heard her right "Penelope, you can take time to think about it."

She shook her head negatively "I don't love you Kevin, I won't live a lie" she paused than added flatly "it's a no..." he stood up; looking down at her in hurt. "I am_ so_ sorry…" she spoke reaching for his hand and he jerked it off.

"I see" he spoke with a gulp and pocketed back the ring, pulling out Penelope's house keys and leaving them on the table "have a nice life." He said bitterly and took off angrily.

xxxxx

JJ tightened her dressing gown around herself as she frowned; sleep still clouding her mind, she swore inside at the person, whoever it may be that awoke her. She had hurried downstairs to answer the door before Henry or Will would wake up and froze when she saw Morgan standing outside.

"We need to talk" he spoke before she had the time to recover from her bewilderment.

She let him in without a word, and she crossed her arms.

"Will you tell me what the hell is going on with Penelope?" she sighed in annoyance, her eyes closing, he had come in the middle of the night, bothering her to drag the truth out of her. She shook her head, unwilling to talk but considering the possibility of making him confess his obvious feelings for Garcia.

Both going to the sitting room, she let him sit down and was about to speak when she heard the doorbell ring again.

Puzzlement etched on her face, she made her way to the door again and muttered "Garcia?"

Penelope entered without permission and started in panic "please tell me I didn't just make the biggest mistake of my life-I just refused Kevin's proposal- because of Derek-can you believe it?!" she let out a small hysterical laugh as JJ's mouth opened in protest, trying to cut her off, hopelessly attempting to inform her that Morgan was there.

"JJ, it's for real-I can't deny it anymore- I'm in love with him-" she spoke in awkward temporary relief.

"No, Garcia-" JJ started and closed her eyes at the sound of footsteps right behind her.

Penelope froze with embarrassment, her mouth open in shock as she stared at Derek stepping out of the living room toward them.

The only emotion she could see on his face was pure damage and right at that moment she wished she knew another named Derek.

"h-how long…have you been standing there" JJ couldn't help ask oddly when she turned to him.

"Long enough to know" he answered steadily, his piercing look never leaving Garcia's face.

Blood running to her brain again, Garcia could finally move. She left immediately without looking back, cursing under her breath at the sound of JJ's front door opening and shutting behind her.

She quickened her step pace, wanting to flee, hide from the man who would catch up with her in seconds…

**A/N: **_**sorry**_** for the cliffy :P **

**I'm struggling with my studies to update quickly so please comment; it's the only thing that keeps this story on. **

**Big thankies :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: hello**** folks! Biggest apologies for the delay, I hope the chap was worth the wait. :D thank you all to those who read, alerted and added to favourites, AND especially who reviewed, I can't thank you enough. Enjoy! :D**

Hearts live by being wounded

Penelope closed her eyes at the feeling of Derek's grabbing hand turning her around to him. She faced him, flustered and abashed and gulped at his angry and overwrought clear emotions.

She tried to jerk her arm away but unsuccessfully "let go of me" she ordered icily.

"Why are you running?" he questioned with a steady yet angry tone.

"I won't talk to you" she brutally jerked her arm away with a furious glare "or have anything to do with you for that matter…" she turned to leave, only to stop at his remark and faced him again.

"Really? Then what the hell was it back there-a joke?" he rattled off in a slightly agitated voice. Her behaviour was upsetting him but it all made sense now, he had his answer.

"Look Derek, what I said is not gonna change a damn thing!" was her sharp retort. " 'cause these feeling I have, I will _never_ accept so why don't you go back to your girlfriendand forget you ever knew me"

With a last cold glare, she fled hurriedly towards her car and he gulped, resentfully uncertain on whether to follow her or not.

What he had just discovered brought his love back to the surface, and it wasn't right …he had worked so hard to start anew, to accept her previous choices and forget, how could she destroy everything he had taken so much time in building?

Her words had awakened his harmful battled feelings that were already controlling his every thought. It bruised and enraged him…his relationship and peace of mind were collapsing like a house of cards because of her confession, and the worst part of it was her immediate denial of her love. Why would she gash his life this pitilessly?

These flamed emotions made him heed her words and scram to his place where he'd be able to think normally.

xxxxxx

Penelope blinked her tears away, driving carefully, fighting her will to cry. It had been seemingly a long drive home and she headed to bed the minute she arrived, crying herself to sleep and trembling in agony at her impulsive acts that might have put her in trouble, especially with Derek.

Nothing would ever be the same between them again, even in the BAU for, she had ruined it, right from the start, the moment she found out about Tamara. Now she could not anticipate his next move. Certainly leaving his loving girlfriend wouldn't be considered an option in the least bit.

That night she started thinking back of her outbursts, did she go too fast? Was it the right thing to do, after all those years of friendship?

Her resolution in leaving Kevin, she would never regret for sure but it didn't keep her from feeling guilty, after all, he had been the perfect boyfriend for years, she had been lucky to have him but he merited better, a woman who'd love him back like he deserved.

The next day already worried her, how would she be able to pretend everything was all right and act as a co-worker? Derek for sure wouldn't be able to. Thankfully Emily worked with him most of the time, she'd be calling her instead and that would do for now.

xxxxxx

Derek glared ahead, his hand squeezing the steering-wheel as he drove, his mind unhinged and addled, the song "she's like the wind" on the radio getting on his nerves.

He changed the station the next minute and frowned at the song "Forget I ever knew you". Fuming, he snappily changed it again, only to be stuck with another love song. He switched it off completely, sighing frenetically.

He made it to his house that night and in the twilight of it, sleep finally overtook his preoccupied mind.

He had chosen in the morning not to go to work, it would simply be too odd and wrong because he knew he couldn't work in his current state, thinking restlessly and trying to come up with a decision.

His day had been a short one as he spent it outside, taking long walks, alone, dithering seriously and prematurely hurting for his girlfriend…why couldn't his heart love her? She was almost perfect, her love for him the closest thing he could find in Penelope.

Sadly he wasn't in love with her, everything in him cried out for Garcia, the woman who pained him in the worst ways…his broken but still beating heart thumping every time he thought of her, some said love couldn't hurt, well… in his case, it was a real misery, the kind of emotions that are bitter and torturous, the kind that only a lovesick would feel…the kind that _he _lived.

By the afternoon, he had driven towards the lake, the haven that brought him some serenity.

He kept his phone off, although he knew Tamara or any member of the team would call him, he found it necessary to stay until at last, he made his choice, the only possible thing to do beyond any doubt.

xxxxxx

Tamara wiped away her unstopping tears, looking away from Derek's saddened face as he sat opposite her.

"Tamara… I'm sorry;" he started apologetically, leaning closer to her "offer your worth to a man who'll love you and make you happy-"

"_You_ do!" she cut him short, her eyes searching for a glimpse of love in his.

"I'm not in love…I can't give you what you want" he answered frankly and closed his eyes at her tearful expression.

"If you're leaving me for another woman as you said then I deserve to know who she is" she spoke angrily and he inhaled deeply, leaning back in his chair.

He refused to reply to that question when she had asked him earlier and it would be no different now.

He shook his head negatively, adding in a low guilty tone "you have all the right to blame me; I should have been honest with you from the beginning but I promise you she had nothing to do with this"

Chagrined, she stood up and walked a few steps away, crossing her arms and keeping her sobs silent.

Derek moved to stand behind her "we can be friends Tamara"

She whirled around to eye him "Derek, this can't happen…don't leave me" she threw her arms around him, her tears damping his shirt as she pressed her wet cheek to his shoulder.

Derek's eyes closed in agony, her sobs tearing him apart "I really am sorry".

With those last words, he pulled away and left without looking back, missing the sight of her collapsing to the floor in heavy tears.

xxxxxx

Penelope turned off her TV, sighing deeply. It had been a long day at work and Derek wasn't there, it troubled her. Obviously everything that had happened affected him, to the point where he'd be avoiding her even in the BAU…now she regretted it all, she should never have reacted that badly. Not seeing him at all was worse than she had expected and she wished she could change her acts. What if he never came back and made a transfer to New York like he had been offered years before…

A knocking on her apartment door got her attention and she hurried to answer it. Happiness flowed inside her and she kept it hidden when she saw him standing there. He no more looked damaged or hurt, only angry and annoyed. He took steps forwards as she took ones backwards, gulping when he shut her door close.

He stopped in front of her, inches separating them as he stared down at her furiously "why... why now? I had everything right and you screwed it"

She gazed at him confusedly and sighed shakily in realization at his following words "I was starting to _like_ her… and I broke her heart like you broke mine"

"You mean …" she started in a breath and he interrupted fierily "that I fuckin' love you-yes…but I wish I didn't"

She sensed his words like daggers and she held back the tears that quickly welled up in her eyes.

She could see through him and the utter anguish in his dark brown orbs, he loved her and it swelled her heart more than ever but the part of him fighting his feelings formed a barrier between them, one that kept him enraged and suffering.

He clearly blamed her for the mess she created and her sudden awareness of what her relationship with Kevin had done to Derek increased her tears.

"I left Kevin for you. Doesn't it get me another chance?" she muttered bashfully, looking up into his sombre eyes.

His tormenting love was bared and he inched closer to her, his face revealing forlorn hope as a mere gap was left between them.

She closed the space, her lips touching his for the first time in a shy gentle kiss. Derek stiffened, taken by surprise; he didn't react yet let the feel of her smooth plump pair of lips linger on.

It was amazingly taking his pain away, having her for himself and her love back was all he ever asked for and his long awaited chance was right there for the taking, he would be damned if he'd shut it off… right then his choice was confirmed as never to be regretted

Penelope inched away diffidently at his unresponsiveness and opened her eyes to find his adoring gaze alive, piercing through hers, as though he had just got the lost love of his life back, his cool hand delicately cupping her jaw before he crushed his mouth to hers in a mighty longing and wooing kiss to which she responded fervidly, smiling happily against his lips as he murmured his love to her unceasingly.

xxxxxx

Tamara's shaky hand grabbed the phone and dialled Derek's number than waited for him to answer, she had no other alternative, loosing him was impossible and he had not left her a chance to give him a good reason to it. Now, he was going to hear it, unfortunately over the phone.

His voice mail answered and she inhaled shakily, trying to stop her tears while she spoke "…you and me, it was for real Derek, I can't let you go-" she paused in hesitation closing her eyes for a minute "I can't because- I'd be breaking a future family …" after a short silence she finished "I'm pregnant…" .

**A/N: I know I seem mean :P but I'm not :D**

**Words of encouragement is all I ask to continue folks. **

**Huge Thankies :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hi Everyone! My sincere apologies for the **_**very**_** late update, I'm finally on holidays and can write now so here it is! Enjoy :D**

What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.

Penelope couldn't hold back the smile tugging at her lips as she faced the bathroom mirror the morning after Derek came to her and confessed his love. He was there, right outside that door and he loved her in the same way she loved him.

Her smile turned into a beam. She wondered what sort of fate changed her luck, giving her the only thing she ever wished for, the one man that already made her the happiest woman living.

Not standing another second away from him, she dashed to open the bathroom door and walked out of it. At the sight of him standing up next to the bed facing her, flipping his cell phone shut with a dark tense expression that dug a whole into her chest, her smile faded out, reading his look that told her he had _very bad_ news.

Ten minutes later she was sitting in a chair facing him while he sat at the edge of the bed, both his hands holding her numb ones.

"_Oh my God_…" she breathed out, her eyes blank as she seemed mentally away. She knew what this news meant and had no choice but to do the right thing, if Tamara was…pregnant…then it was out of their hands and she would never keep Derek away from

his child, she would lose him but it would be for the best...

Derek's brows pulled together, hurting inside at the situation he was facing now. How could he let this happen? The pain clear on Pen's face crushed him and he wondered if their relationship would survive this…he panicked at idea of living without her, it was absolutely impossible.

Recalling Tamara's desperate state, the possibility of her lying crossed his mind and his hands quickly squeezing Penelope's as he gulped "nothing is sure yet…" he spoke trying hopelessly to convince himself as hard as he tried to convince her "she might have made that up, I know Tamara she's not the kind to let go easily …"

he stood up and she stared up at him with a glimpse of hope in her eyes, one that crushed him further as he restrained his glum feeling, fear governing him at the dreading fact that Tamara _might_ also be telling the truth "I'm gonna talk to her and clear this up" he finished, trying to sound sure and let go of her hands reluctantly after the silent nods she gave him.

Derek bent down, holding her chin delicately before joining his lips with hers, afraid it may be the last time he'd be able to do that if Tamara was truly carrying his child.

Both Penelope and he would do what it takes for the baby's sake and that came with heartbreaking consequences to both of them.

* * *

Tamara kept silent as he eyed her with anger, his glum eyes trying to read any sign of twitchy sound or look that proved she was lying but much to his fear she wasn't or so he believed.

"I'm not walking away from my responsibility you know that…" he started "I'll do what's right and be there whenever you'll need me but that doesn't mean we have to be together Tamara,"

"We have to be a family Derek, it's the one thing I ask for…if you wanna be a part of our child's life" she knew how it sounded to him; clear blackmailing but she was well aware she wouldn't have him otherwise.

Derek's mind was still in disbelief as he glared at her in silence for another minute. Was she really serious? Expecting him to _marry_ her to be able to see his kid?

He ran a hand over his head, shutting his eyes and exhaling heavily before spitting out "how do I know you're not lying to me" he stared into her eyes and spoke again "you have any test result that prove you're pregnant?"

His face remained cold and angry in indifference to her offended expression. She walked silently to her bedroom, staying in there for a minute before coming out with a paper in her hand.

She approached the door where he stood for almost a quarter now, not even willing to step inside her sitting room. The moment she handed it to him, she saw him gulp in panic. It was obvious he had thought it as a desperate attempt…

She bit her lip at his doleful expression when he analysed the test results before closing his eyes once more.

"The tests came out yesterday; I was going to tell you when you came here but after you chose to split …I didn't think it was the right moment"

He lifted his head to look at her, feeling more miserable than he ever had, he wished she had blurted it out before he had left her house the previous night, that she hadn't let him taste his own personal heaven, to be ripped out of it hours later…once more his plans were destroyed in the most unfair way.

He stormed out without looking back, seeing red from rage. He got in his car before his hand crumpled the paper and hit the steering wheel in fury. Taking deep breaths was all he could do not to snap, it was all his fault he thought, if he had taken precautions rather than trust her into taking her pills he wouldn't be in this situation…but it was too late now, he would have to face the woman he loved and see her much expected reaction that would destroy him for good this time.

* * *

The hot tears blinded Penelope's sight as she stood on weak legs, feeling she could fall at any moment. The soreness in her throat made it worse for her to breath, all her energy spent at the restrain from crying her heart out at the words Derek had just said.

It was worse than she had imagined, Tamara had unconsciously avenged herself on Penelope, for all the hurt she felt before would be nothing compared to this one, Derek binding his life to that woman's was her worse nightmare and he just informed her it was the condition she asked for to let him be near his son or daughter once born…how was Penelope supposed to react?

Nothing came out of her mouth for a long moment, mastering all her courage and will power, trying to be rational, she gulped forcefully, blinking and feeling the tears cascading down her cheeks.

She nodded slowly, biting her lower lip trying to keep a cool head and avoiding looking at him, fixing his chest instead, knowing his emotions mirrored her own, which would only make it harder for her to end all those mad circumstances they were caught into. "I see…" she whispered, lifting her eyes slowly to meet his mournful ones.

She attempted to smile a little but the tearful expression was clearer on her face "you'd make a wonderful dad" she spoke softly making him close his eyes in agony before opening them again and saying with resolve "I'm not losing you again"

She cupped his cheek, her lips pulling into a sad smile as more tears ran down her face "you were starting to like her…" she reminded him, making the faintest of tears prickle his eyes as he shook his head angrily "don't,".

"You can tell her you accept" she started, looking down again.

He looked at her in disbelief "what are you saying?" he spoke furiously "there is no way I'm-"

"You have to!" she snapped interrupting him, facing him this time with hurt. Her voice cracked "I understand… it's okay"

"No it's not" he retorted still determined "you're not gonna get rid of me that easy" he breathed getting closer to her and grabbed her by the waist, bringing her flush against him and leaning in until his forehead pressed to hers "I will not throw everything we have like this"

"What do we have Derek? Nothing" she spoke pulling her face away from his to look at him before turning her face and muttering agonizingly "what we _had_ is not worth fighting for"

As much as she loved him and as painful as this act was, she had to make him leave her, push him away for his own sake and his kid's.

Derek was taken aback by what she had just said, she had no will to fight? She was ready to let him go that simply? It made him want to die right then, in her arms rather than walk away to live as though she never belonged to him.

He stared at her shortly "look me in the eye and say that again" he dared and pulled her even closer if it were possible taking her look of weakness as a good sign. "There must be some other way to make this work-"

She shook her head slowly more tears escaping as she avoided his face, "I refuse be the other woman Derek, I won't…" her sobs getting stronger before she added turning to look at him while trying to free herself from his grasp "if you really love me-then do what I asked…"

"I can't" he said weakly, still refusing to be rational.

She inhaled a shaky deep breath and continued "pretend last night never happened…and I promise to do the same…"

She stared at his sombre face, sensing his demolished confidence and emotions as his arms started weakening and loosening around her "It just wasn't meant to be" she finished.

He was more than hurt and there was only one thing left to say to make him give up like she needed him to.

"The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be, for both of us to move on" she finished almost coldly before shifting away from him and leaving her own office where he had been standing, talking to her.

Derek felt no power over his own body, shock and loss making him feel powerless. He couldn't cope with the way his life had changed in a period of less than a day.

He was going to be a father…that alone changed his life completely and he had no choice but to let the woman that meant the world to him go, he knew even if he tried hard enough, she wouldn't take him back because it wouldn't be ethically right. The killing part inside him was that he agreed, their was no other way to fix this…he had lost her, in the strangest way, this time forever

* * *

Penelope collapsed against the door of the ladies' room once locked inside, all her crying coming out now in an uncontrolled hysteric way, coming apart inwardly, not knowing from where she got the courage to pretend like she did in front of him and forcing him to turn the page _once again_

Morgan was her world; after all the happiness she had tasted the previous night and that morning before the news of his ex's pregnancy, she tried now to imagine the future but saw noting but blackness….no future for her at all. She couldn't stand the thought of facing him again, seeing that woman by his side, she felt she'd literally die from the pain his wedding was already bringing her.

A while lapsed that seemed forever to her, that moment of complete hopelessness, at a loss of what to make of her life at the moment that seemed so empty. There was no way she'd be able to work with him anymore, the memories was enough torture to keep her heartbroken for the rest of her life, she wouldn't bear stay longer at the BAU.

The only thing that made sense to her was leaving, not only the office but the town for good, maybe then, she'd heal from the crushing pain that was killing her bit by bit, of course she'd never forget or fall out of love with him but time _is_ a great healer, she'd survive…

* * *

Tamara hang up the phone, a surprised look on her face and a happy sigh of relief coming out of her when she thought of what Derek had just informed. A smile brightened her face; she had him back, finally. He accepted, he was going to _marry_ her.

She couldn't believe everything worked to her advantage. Happiness flowed through her as she stood up and walked to her kitchen, needing cold water or something icier to cool her dry throat.

She pulled a glass from the kitchen cabinet and went over to the refrigerator, opening it and pulling out a beer. She stared at it thoughtfully; glad no one was around to see her act, the one proof of her enormous lie that'd get her in trouble if Derek found out.

_Flash back _

_Tamara pulled away from the Afro-American doctor after she hugged him, thankful for his help that night_

"_I still think you're making a big mistake here…" he started, hoping to make her change her mind._

"_I can't lose him Nick…he's everything to me" she spoke softly with an apologetic look._

_He __sighed and kept silent for a while before nodding and handing her the fake results she had asked of him hours earlier that night._

"_I owe you. Thank you" she said with a smile at her relative before turning to leave._

_End of Flash back_

She sighed, all that mattered was her wedding, once done, she'd fix everything, she'd get pregnant and with time, she was certain Derek would forgive her.

She walked over to her living room again and sat, pouring the alcohol and drinking, her mind absent as it drifted back to her victory.

**A/N: want to know what's next? Review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi again :D huge thanks for the reviews, here is another chapter. Enjoy! ****:)**

Where is the "good" in goodbye?

Derek sighed in irritation, his hands trying gently, to loosen Tamara's arms from around his neck.

He was a minute away from losing control over his nerves at the bombshell she had just dropped of wanting him to move in with her.

It had been a week since he had found out about her pregnancy and she had already pushed it too far with him.

She had added the _unreasonable _condition three days ago of planning the wedding for the weekend, shocking him then using their child as the weakness she knew that kept him there. She was ready to pull all her strings and take care of all the preparations to make it happen.

It was hard enough for him to accept the idea of marrying her in two days, and now she wanted to accelerate things, taking away his short, temporary seclusion he had left.

That week had been a living hell during which Penelope avoided him visibly, even during the case the team worked on, he had to let Prentiss speak with her whenever they needed information and it was torture. He missed her every minute, her voice, her face, her touch. Every breath he took was painful without her there.

Tamara's voice brought his attention back to her "you know the doctor said I should avoid getting stressed out or upset…it's not good for the baby's health"

His hands forced her arms off of him "it's a little early for you to say this" he glared when he saw her faint tears.

"Why do you want me here? What difference does it make-"

"Because I love you" she interrupted, ignoring his indifference to her words "and I want you around all the time"

"Not all the time" he replied, referring to his job and thankful for that fact. "I'm here for one reason, don't think making me live with you is gonna change anything"

She lowered her head, folding her arms across her chest and nodded "I know…but I still want you in the house"

Indecisive he took a deep breath, scrutinizing her hopeful face when she looked up at him. After all it wasn't like he'd be sleeping in the same room with her, she thought, well aware of their current situation.

* * *

Penelope made her way to the bullpen, guessing why Hotch had called for her. She had been organizing her transfer, talking directly to Strauss for her recommendation and was soon leaving Quantico back to California.

She knew it wouldn't be easy to break it to the team; knowing they'd try to convince her to stay. Apparently Hotch would be first.

She bit her lip stopping in front of him near the stairs where he stood with Rossi "Garcia, is it true?" he asked in disbelief "we've just been informed by Strauss you're leaving"

Penelope nodded avoiding his reading stare and glancing at David who looked just as shocked.

"Look, we all know what happened… "Rossi started and Hotch finished "It must be hard for both of you I understand,"

She looked away, tears welling up quickly in her eyes at the remembrance.

"I'm sorry Hotch" she said ruefully, turning to face him again before he could continue "I know it seems like I'm abandoning the team but I can't work here anymore, don't ask me for something I can't handle"

"Are you sure you won't have any regrets?' Rossi spoke suddenly and watched her wipe a tear from her cheek before she shook her head negatively, pulling herself together.

She whispered another apology to both of them before turning to leave, closing her eyes at Reid's confused look when he spotted her dark expression.

She turned to glance at Hotch once at the bullpen glass doors and sighed, watching for a minute Reid, Prentiss and JJ talking to him and Rossi with the same reflections they had just had when they spoke to her.

She turned again, walking a few quick steps before her heart clenched, its beats increasing in seconds, when her eyes fell on Derek that walked out the elevator where she was heading.

Crushing pain dug a hole into her chest as she continued walking unconsciously, her eyes meeting his half loving, half pained gaze.

Derek stepped slowly towards her, feeling his heart thrashing against his ribcage at the sight of her so close to him again, stopping a foot away from her. His fingers grazed hers gently, needing to sense her soft flesh against his cool one.

He held her gaze with his and couldn't bring himself to say a word, only wanting to pull her into a crushing hug and kiss her senseless.

Penelope tried to even her breathing, the pain in her chest never decreasing while her legs trembled slightly. That moment might be the last for her she thought, thinking of the next day by that hour of the night she'd be far away from here…

She didn't want to imagine his reaction later on when Hotch would tell him her plans, the hurt it would cause him was already shattering her to pieces and she felt the tears overflowing her lids again.

She walked swiftly past him into the elevator, her hand clutching the straps of her purse while she avoided looking his way, closing her eyes briefly right before the elevator door slid close.

* * *

The silence in her apartment was broken by the doorbell ring and with a shaky sigh she put down her cup of coffee, guessing who that might be.

She opened the door slowly and froze with her jaw dropped "evenin' ma'am" spoke a middle aged man with a British accent, supporting a smashed, wretched Derek that lifted his mournful dazed eyes to look at her before handing the man some money, slurring to him to keep the change.

"Derek…what-"

"Uh- your husband couldn't make it upstairs alone- I think he must've had one over the eight," the cabbie explained in a jabber.

"He's not my-" Penelope started confusedly before Derek interrupted in a garble, removing his arm from the man's shoulders motioning towards her "my wife-she's… she's gonna be my wife"

The cabdriver looked down at the paper money before pocketing it and nodded his goodbyes as Derek toppled into Penelope's arms, almost losing his balance.

"Baby girl" he breathed, his lips inches away from hers.

"You shouldn't be here" she whispered softly to him, trying to keep her heart shut out but unsuccessfully.

"You can't leave me," he bumbled, lowering his gloomy eyes before meeting hers again.

Her lids closed briefly as she let out a shaky breath, not knowing how to keep the face of pretence with him any longer, her heartbeat already moving into overdrive.

"I won't survive without you…" he added in a mumble, pressing his forehead to hers and shut his eyes "my God given solace"

she kept him steady, the soreness in her throat bringing hot tears that started blurring her vision "You're the one…" he slurred inching away dazedly, his swimming eyes never leaving hers as his hand cupped her jaw. "I'm so mad about …" he breathed lovingly and her brows pulled together in a doleful teary expression, before she knew it his mouth was on hers urging her on to respond reflexively as her lips puckered up against his in a tender kiss, the tears cascading rapidly down her cheeks.

He pulled away seconds later and she sniffed tearing her gaze away from him. She held him close and steered him to one of the high chairs "here-sit" she spoke lowly than moved to her kitchen.

She shook with silent inward sobs, her back to him while her mind drifted to a couple minutes ago. She had thought she was ready to confront him and was capable of staying rational but every part of her brain and body refused to follow reason, she was incapable of pushing him back or resisting him, internally bleeding at all the hurt she had caused him.

She was the reason he was blind drunk and emotionally destroyed. He had come none the less desperately and unfortunately in vain to make her change her mind. She needed him to cut his losses and accept they had no future together, although it'd probably take her all night.

Without thinking twice, she filled a cup with coffee, knowing it would do him no good and will make his hangover worse in the morning but at least it'd make him feel more awake now. She walked over to him again, meeting his barely conscious infatuated gaze.

She handed him the cup "drink this". He did as she asked, his gaze locked on her permanently.

As hard as he tried to be reasonable-he couldn't… Penelope had been in his life for way too long; he needed her in it even if they'd stay friends, close friends like they used to be…

That image disappeared from his mind instantly, it was impossible to come true; he knew it. It was too late to go back. They loved each other to a point where friendship just wouldn't cut it.

Penelope stepped closer to him, stopping in front of him and biting her lip at his unchanging dejected face.

He looked up at her, a sombre tone in his voice when he uttered, "lie to me," holding her hand and pulling her to him as he stood up, unsteady on his feet "say you're the one having my baby…that you'll marry me"

His words crushed her heart; making her more vulnerable and aching than ever, her ceased tears renewed as her control collapsed "I can't say that,"

Her misty eyes met his sorrowful ones "but know this…" she held his face in her hands, making him look her in the eye "I love you, more than you'll ever know," her voice broke and she added in between sobs "I can't remember a time when I haven't."

He wiped away a tear from her cheek and closed his eyes forlornly at her following promise "I'll always belong to you-_that_ will never change… wherever I am"

Opening his poignant eyes, he swiftly shook his head no "I won't let you go, no matter what-". He refused to give up on her that way, he would do everything he could to hold her back, keep her there with him where she belonged.

Penelope chocked in a sigh and before she had time to protest his mouth captured hers in an anguished, determined fierce kiss which softened when he felt her melt into his strong arms that wrapped around her waist.

She froze, her hands hesitating in the act to reach to his nape, her mind fighting with great difficulty her burning love and desire for him, to be soon enough overpowered when he deepened his intense kiss, passionately devouring her like a starving man and eliciting a low moan in her throat as she surrendered to him, snaking her hands around the back of his neck and pressing herself tight to his strong physique.

Derek smiled against her lips, sensing her mutual need as she clung to him shifting with him and never breaking the kiss as he blindly stumbled to her bedroom.

Penelope shut every thought out of her brain, thinking only of him and what they had right then, giving up to her senses, responding to his every kiss and touch, ready to let their bodies tangle into one like they both madly craved for.

Tonight there would be nothing standing between them, she could have him like she was normally supposed to, making their wish come real, perhaps for the last time.

**A/N: will Pen leave? and will Derek find out about Tamara's lie before it's too late? find out in the next final chap :) meanwhile please leave a little review**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello ****again shippers :D I'm very sorry for the delay, as you can see it's a long last chapter and it kinda took me time, enjoy! :)**

There is no armour against fate.

Penelope stood silently for a moment after coming out of bed and donning on her night robe, watching Derek, dressed and sober search her drawers than her purse, she guessed what he was thinking when he found her plane ticket and looked down at it.

She approached him slowly and crossed her arms when he turned to her with angry eyes

"Tonight? You're leaving tonight" he spoke, his tone pitched with disapproval. He fell silent as she took the ticket from him, put out by his discovery.

"Look, forget about me, what about the team- they're like family"

"I know" she answered lowly, speaking more to herself than him.

"If it weren't for you we wouldn't have solved _half _the cases we were on" he took a few steps towards her, almost closing the space between them.

"I'm sure Chief Strauss can find another analyst with great expertise" she said hopefully with a small smile, shifting her eyes to look into his brown orbs.

"We don't want another analyst" he replied quickly, his hand moving to her face.

Penelope's eyes fluttered close at his gentle touch as he cupped her jaw "I need you" he whispered intensely. She could feel his cool breath on her face before he dipped his smooth lips to caress hers. She moaned in response when his tongue gently ran along her lips, asking for entrance she obliged, and slid caressingly over hers.

Her mind scolded while her body relished on the feeling, she knew it was wrong, that it'll hurt like hell once she'd be away but somehow she couldn't bring herself to resist him whatsoever.

In the next minute she immersed in what would likely be their last kiss. That alone stung her dreadfully and brought her back to reality, the painful truth that she had been ignoring since the previous night.

She pulled away, choking back the coming tears "I think you should leave now Derek" she muttered, trying to keep her voice steady as she fought the overpowering will cry.

The ringing of his cell followed her words and he picked up with a hint of bitterness "yeah, it's Morgan"

His expression changed to a blank than professional one "I can be there" he replied, ending his conversation.

"Strauss wants to talk to me" he murmured reluctantly and Penelope risked a glance at him, giving imperceptible nods, finding some relief in having him out of her house for the day, picturing her hopelessness and surrender if he stayed.

He would be back before she'd had the chance to make it to the airport that was for sure and she was already thinking over how to deal with him then.

Unexpectedly she felt him kissing her fiercely again before pulling away with an earnest look "I'll see you later" he walked out quietly, pain racking his soul as his mind faced the truth, nothing would hold her from going and the worse was that he had no solution to offer; no matter how much he wanted them together, he had no way to make it happen.

xxxxxx

Nicolas Sanders could hear the women's laughter from outside the door of his relative's apartment. He shook his head slightly, nettled by the news he had heard earlier that morning.

He knocked furiously on the door and waited until Tamara opened up. He entered directly, addressing the others inside "party's over ladies" he gestured to them to leave, ignoring Tamara's glower as her friends stepped outside with vexed faces.

"Nick-what're you doing here, you just ruined my bridal shower!" she snapped, putting down her orange juice

"So I heard this right. You're getting married tomorrow" his eyes searched hers for a minute before she turned away from him, picking up a half filled champagne flute and swigging the alcohol in one gulp.

"And you haven't told him yet" he surmised. Taking her silence as a yes he reminded her, a little loudly "we had a deal- that plan was only temporary."

His statement was met by an exasperated sigh "I'm not ready for him to find out just yet" she talked back.

Nick closed his eyes, realizing how badly this turned out to be. He had met Derek Morgan before, soon after Tamara started dating him, he seemed a good and honest guy, one for sure who didn't deserve to be thrown in a fake shotgun wedding.

"You wanna trap that man…you're gonna have to do it without me" he stated coldly, intent on clearing out everything with Morgan.

"You're not thinking of telling him right Nick?" she asked, her tone half fearful, half warning.

"You know how faking those tests would get me in trouble, but you don't give a damn do you"

She rolled her eyes "I'm a doctor Tam…what you asked of me is wrong," he conceded "I can't believe I got myself sucked into this mess."

"I know this lays heavy on you, but give me a chance to fix it, please?" she pleaded, a bit sourly "Once Derek and I are married, I'll _get pregnant_…" her determined reassuring look made him thoughtful as she went on "your help won't be for nothing"

His beeper signalled an emergency at the hospital and his voice broke the short silence "I gotta go"

He opened her front door again and paused automatically at her words "promise you'll not tell him Nick" his pointed glare and hard expression struck a chill into her before he left in a flash, hearing her calling after him in panic.

xxxxxx

Derek took a seat in Strauss's office, awaiting her to speak. She inhaled, pensive before speaking impassively "Agent Morgan, why do you think the Bureau's fraternization policies are sat?"

"I'm sorry?" was all he could manage to speak before she continued "I've heard you were involved in a relationship with Technical analyst Penelope Garcia…"

Incapable of choking down his irritation he retorted "with all due respect ma'am, it's none of your business"

Shock passed over her face briefly "do I have to remind you who you're talking to" her icy voice made his jaw clench "as the BAU's Section Chief _and_ your _superior_, it _is_ my business"

Morgan's eyes closed in impatience, hearing Strauss scolding him was the last thing he could tolerate right now.

His eyes opened again at her words "but I didn't call you here for breaking a Bureau policy"

"I was under the impression you were the cause of her departure." She accused and he gulped, pained again by the verity thrown into his face.

"I have to say I would really hate if the BAU lost such a valuable assent. There are only a handful of people that would fulfil the job like she does and they're not easy to find…"

At that point Morgan wondered why she was telling _him _this stuff. He of all people knew Penelope's importance to the Bureau but that was not his reason in the least for wanting her back.

"I assume you've tried to convince her to stay?" she questioned, stunning him. He nodded silently, his expression unreadable.

"Well, let's hope you'll arrive to that end…soon" Morgan tried hard not to let his reaction of astonishment don his face while he listened.

"I haven't given my recommendation to her transfer yet," her words took the shape of command "I'm sure you'll find a way to bring her back to the office by the morning" she ordered stiffly and dismissed him from her office.

xxxxxx

Penelope greeted JJ with a hug, not surprised to see her friend at her doorstep.

"Please tell me you changed your mind" JJ breathed as Penelope still clang to her in a crushing embrace which answered her questioned wordlessly.

"This is really hard to taken in" JJ grumbled, a little frown creasing her forehead.

"I am so sorry Jaje" Pen apologized

Penelope offered her coffee, both of them enjoying the little time left they had together.

Following Penelope to her room where she packed, JJ struggled to find the proper words for her attempt "we're best friends right?" she started slowly and Penelope nodded at her with a glance while placing her garments into the suitcase.

"Then take my advice when I say, running away is not the solution" she shook her head lightly.

Penelope sighed a laugh and answered "I'm not running away"

"Your problem with Morgan is so hard to go through, I get it but-" her words were cut off as Penelope persisted while continuing her task "JJ I need to do this-it's for the best"

"For whom-him? He doesn't want you to go"

"He'll realize I've done the right thing sooner or later"

JJ's shoulders slumped. Tears began to prickle her eyes "won't you stay for us? We're family Pen" Penelope walked to her, her eyes as watery as JJ's.

A sad smile played on JJ's lips when she added "you're Henry's godmother…" she chided gently.

That same instant, all the guilt impossible to repress came to the surface on Pen's face as her tears fell freely "there are no words-to tell you how sorry I am" she muttered tearfully.

They stared at each other for a long moment before JJ nodded bleakly and Penelope hugged her friend as tight as she could, both crying silently while the idea of letting Garcia go painfully sank in JJ's mind.

"But Reid's here," Penelope reassured in a breath "and I'll always be there for Henry… whenever he needs me"

"We all do…" JJ murmured, her voice muffled by Pen's shoulder.

"I'll keep in touch, I promise" Garcia's voice was weepy again "I'll call you every day"

Eventually, they pulled part "when is your flight?" JJ questioned as they sat on the edge of the bed.

"Eight thirty" Penelope looked down and glanced at her friend again when she mentioned Derek "Morgan knows?"

"Yes…he came here last night," Penelope threw her head back and sniffed, aching at the memory.

She went on when she noticed her friend's curious blue eyes searching her brown ones "he was a wreck, he got drunk and-" her tears renewed in exacerbation "he asked me not to leave him" she finished in between silent sobs.

"Something happened?" JJ's blurted out question caused Penelope to tense and her tears decrease "we-" she stuttered "we made love…"

JJ's brows raised and Pen's face got covered with her hands in embarrassment "I know, I know," she whined and continued in a sputter "it was careless and irresponsible- but he was there and he needed me-I needed him too…ugh"

Penelope relaxed at her friend's soothing hand on her back "You could listen to him" JJ muttered after a few seconds.

"I can't JJ-I don't wanna become his mistress…I won't be able to work with him and wonder _what it could have been_. He's the only man I wanted a future with."

Her agonized eyes met JJ's and she gulped the lump in her throat "he's the one heartbreak I can't heal from" the overpowering tears flooded her lids again.

JJ held her hand in empathy, her mind going over the thought of how much relationships sucked.

"Can I ask a favour of you?" Pen demanded softly breaking the silence. "Yeah?" JJ whispered and squeezed her hand.

"When…" she started and inhaled shakily, looking down "Derek's baby will be born. Can I count on you to send me pictures?"

"Of course" JJ answered.

Penelope smiled a little "I would have _adored_ his child, even if it hadn't been me carrying it…" her voice trailed off as she stared away absent-mindedly.

Picturing herself in Pen's shoes agonized JJ horribly. If Henry hadn't been her son but Will's with one of his exes she would have ran for the hills herself she thought…

xxxxxx

Nick removed his surgical gloves wearily, he had saved a life and it was a moment like this that made his job worthwhile.

Minutes later he passed the good news to the patient's family than drew away to his office.

For a little while, he sat quiet, His thoughts evaluating Tamara's choice. He could easily see where it would lead her, she'd be emotionally destroyed the second Morgan would know about her lie.

He shook his head at her naivety in believing Derek would forgive her one day. She had briefly explained to him why Morgan broke up, he loved another woman…and out of Nick's own experience he knew the man would never love Tamara.

In the back of his mind he also knew he'd never bed her either, given the reason he was marrying her, that's what made her pretence worse and got Nick in trouble, how would she get pregnant then?

His distant cousin forced Morgan's hand and that wasn't right…she had torn him apart from the person he truly belonged with, who he wanted to _be _with…

Nick sighed, glancing at the phone, he couldn't stand sitting there doing nothing to prevent Tamara's biggest mistake.

It didn't take him long to find Morgan's number and call him, asking him to come as soon as possible to the hospital for a talk, mentioning Tamara's-fake- pregnancy to make sure he'd be there.

Less than a half hour Derek walked through the hospital doors where he found the man who called him near by.

This was the last place where he wanted to be but what Nick Sanders had to say seemed important enough.

"All right, let's here it" Morgan spoke as he made his way to him. Nick stood up from his chair, steeling himself for Derek's reaction.

"I think you have the right to know what's going on," the doctor began and Derek's eyes narrowed in confusion.

"You'll probably hold me responsible and you'd be right" Nick paused than sighed "Tam has lied to you she's not pregnant" he admitted seriously.

Derek scrutinized his face and laughed out the word "What?" in amusement, thinking this some kind of sick joke "you must be kidding me man"

"I'm not," Nick answered straight out, his face solemn.

Derek's expression suddenly faded to a dark stern one "I saw the results-" he told him

"I faked those for her" Nick cut off, closing his eyes briefly in guilt "she came to me when you broke up-she was desperate and _begged_ for my help…and I did" he explained in justification, apology clear in his tone.

He watched Morgan's seething look before he took a few slow steps away from Nick, his hand passing over his head in rage before he turned and struck him, punching him hard in the face and lashed piercingly "you know what you did? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Nick rubbed his aching jaw and spoke calmly "I know man-I'm sorry,"

"I was about to abandoned the one chance I had of a happy life for a fucking _lie_" Morgan spat out, flying into a temper, his tone thickly layered with vicious loathing.

"I heard of the wedding and I couldn't let her go that far" Nick informed and Morgan scowled. "You have to talk her; she tenaciously believes your relationship will go back to the way it was if she gets pregnant"

"Oh I'm gonna talk to her all right" Derek glared in contempt, boiling anger governing his every cell.

A part of him still disbelieved. He almost bound himself to Tamara for _nothing_. She had tricked him into believing he was going to be a _father,_ he had pictured his child so many times that week that it made everything about her somehow bearable and now the ugly truth came out, vanishing every fatherly emotion that had grown inside him, making him hate her to a point of no return

"You're coming with me" he growled with a deadly threatening tone and look.

Nicolas nodded quietly and gulped, imagining Tamara's shock, the words 'I did the right thing' echoing in his head comfortingly.

xxxxx

Tamara nearly fell apart while she faced her relative by Derek's side that seemed more than furious, only a hint of hurt in him "is it true-what he said?"

She had almost fainted when she concluded her plan had been revealed by no other than her traitorous of a cousin.

Tamara glimpsed Nick, panicking "no-it's not-" her tone shaky with nervousness.

"It's over Tam, he knows" Nick muttered ruefully.

'_What have you done Nick'_ she thought, feeling a lump in her throat. Derek's incensed eyes locked with her watery ones and he crept toward her "you're not pregnant" his voice was icy cold clear from doubt.

He looked as if he'd attack her at any minute and she stated desperately "Derek, we can be a family I _promise_"

She gasped at his harshness as he yanked her by the arms crushingly, making her face him ".carying my not" he growled brokenly through gritted teeth

Her lips, parted to speak but nothing came out, her eyes slightly widening in despondency and fear of what was coming. The silence was broken finally as she answered vulnerably "I'm not…but-"

She couldn't hold back her tearful emotions when his jaw flexed, his hands releasing her slowly, his eyes shutting as he inhaled and exhaled in half relief, half temper.

She knew the wedding was off way before he spoke the words and hearing them now left her sobbing in agony.

She followed him unconsciously, uttering begging words as he packed furiously some clothes of his that were there leaving her without a word. His mind focusing on the most important thing to him now, stopping Penelope and letting her know the, good, news.

The fact that he was free again hadn't crossed his mind for a second before that minute, he had been so enraged at Tamara and Nick that the happy side of that situation didn't show instantly.

He was _free_… he could finally be with Penelope and make her stay and as odd as that seemed, it would also please their section chief at work, the team were going to be more than happy to have their friend and colleague back.

His twist of fate made him happier than anyone as he raced to his SUV. He couldn't help picture the perfect future that appeared a forlorn hope to him before.

Back in her apartment, Tamara was numb with shock and devastation, her violent tears unceasing at the realization that everything was over with Derek, for real this time, no hope remained…

"you might not know it yet but," Nick started soothingly "I did you a favour here." he paused "and one day…you'll thank me for it" he left after that, letting relief and peace fill his mind, trusting Tamara to go on with her life once her heart healed.

xxxxxx

Morgan drove across the familiar street speeding when he caught sight of a cab next to the building where Garcia lived, still a little far to reach.

He swore under his breath noticing the cabdriver putting Penelope's suitcases into the trunk. It was six thirty and she was obviously leaving early so she'd be gone before he got there.

He saw her look aimlessly around before her eyes fell on his SUV less than a mile off, her expression turning to alarm as she hopped in and the cab drove off speedily.

Penelope turned to look if he was following and closed her eyes wretchedly.

"Holy-" the cabman broke off mid word and slowed in fear at the sound of the police siren "is he a cop?" he asked his passenger.

Penelope glared back at Derek's car and spoke urgently "this has nothing to do with your speeding-please drive faster"

The next minute the SUV cut in the cab and stopped a few meters away, blocking off his way.

"Sorry miss" the driver apologized with a rueful grimace slowing down than pulling over.

Penelope bit her lip, stepping out of the car and sighed when she saw Derek leaving his vehicle and dashing her way.

Before she could phrase a word, his lips crushed to hers wantonly "how could you sneak off on me like that huh?" he breathed with resentment, in the brief seconds when his lips were free, deepening the kiss endlessly.

Misreading his passion, she let him have his goodbye kiss, her heart tearing to pieces in response, she had fled because she couldn't face it, she didn't want closure and there he was, imprinting an acute memory for her to take and cry over once separated from him. The tears welled up in her eyes started gushing miserably down her cheeks to be wiped away by his thumbs seconds after.

Before she could stop him he pulled away and stepped to the back of the cab, getting her suitcases out of the trunk while ignoring her appalled and confused babbling.

He walked without a word to the taxi driver and handed him some cash "get outta here" the man left gladly with the additional tip given to him leaving Garcia behind alone with a dangerously convincing Derek Morgan.

She knew what he was doing, keeping her back and knowing her own willpower when it came to him, she would crack in no time.

"What the hell did you do that for?" she roared, her attitude hardening his expression.

"You don't have to go anymore." He answered her flatly "I just found out Tamara-"

"Derek we talked about this!" she snapped, interrupting him. Feeling angry made it so much easier for her to be clear, decisive.

"Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you?" he snarled and she stared at him darkly for a short moment then took a deep breath and nodded her answer.

"Nick Sanders -he's Tamara's relative and a doctor- called me today … I found out she's not pregnant, he helped her out to make it appear true". The memory brought the irritated emotion back to his face "she confirmed"

Silence fell and Penelope's trembling lips parted slightly as her eyes were swimming in moisture "she made it up?" she asked faintly in a teary tone.

Derek came near her and nodded with a restrained hurt expression, not standing the thought of almost losing his baby girl for no reason.

He took her face lightly between his cool hands and she shook her head while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of her eyes "or you're just saying that to hold me back"

Her scrutinising watery eyes met his and he shook his head with anger donning his face. His hands dropped to his sides "you don't believe me fine-you can ask her yourself and if I'm wrong…" his hand motioned to his car "I promise you I'll drive you to the airport myself"

Her tears leaked over the edge, she wanted so badly to believe him, but if she let herself hope, and it came to nothing… that would kill her.

"Just come with me. Please." He pleaded, his gentle, begging tone making her stomach whirl in painful hope.

xxxxx

Garcia knocked and seconds later as the door opened, she was faced with a puffy-eyed, clearly from crying, depressive looking Tamara Barnes, holding a filled tumbler of scotch.

Penelope didn't recognize her immediately as she remembered her serene beautiful face from months before.

"What do you want?" Tamara snarled, her voice showing she was a bit drunk.

The sight in front of Penelope answered all her questions but she still wanted to hear her say it.

"You faked your pregnancy tests…you're not carrying" Penelope's face was blank, her words a statement rather than question

Tamara snorted "news travel fast" she slurred and swigged from her drink "what's it to you anyway"

All Penelope's bottled up angriness combusted right then as she slapped her hard across the face.

"What kind of person are you?" Penelope spoke in disgust ignoring Tamara's shocked, furious face "playing on Derek's conscience and feelings for a selfish immoral dream…" she glared at her from head to toe in revulsion "you make me sick!" she spat out and glowered at her for an awkward moment than took off stiffly.

She walked out the building doorway and paused for a minute, watching Derek leaning against the SUV's side, his arms crossed, contemplating the cleared sky and stars.

She gazed at him infatuatedly; unreasonable sorrow gripping her at the thought of what would have happened if he hadn't stopped her.

The way she had bleakly survived that weak had been all for her incredibly tenacious façade that was shattering in a trice now from her accumulated suppressed hurt.

She fought the budding tears as she recalled every memory that dug a hole to her heart and the way she had searingly faced it: when he first told her of what was now Tamara's lie, her demand and what it did to Penelope… how she had reacted to the news of his wedding for that same weekend…. her tears spilled in a fresh torrent down her face, a sob rising in her throat.

She clenched her teeth together; thankful Derek wasn't looking as she fought against the sobs that threatened to overtake her, she needed to be strong again but she had no idea how…

The tears didn't slow as she thought. She had simply done nothing but accept that bashing fate before, smiling at grief…

When Derek looked her way, seeing her finally Penelope dissolved into violent tears, losing every bit of strength she had, only wanting to collapse in his embrace as she ran into his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist while he draped his tightly and securely around her.

Her sobs breaking completely free, she buried her face into his chest, giving in to her burning anguish while he pressed his lips to the top of her head, his eyes closed, trying to keep it together and bear the sight of her that vulnerable.

He didn't say anything and let her sob until she began to choke out his name, torn. With the tears trembling in her voice she blubbered, her voice breaking twice "I thought I'd lost you-that I'd- never see you again…after tonight" she trailed off, pulling back to look with tear-filled eyes at his handsome face, dim in the darkness.

He lifted her face to lock her gaze in his and smiled crookedly with overwhelming tenderness "told you you're not going anywhere…"

"Oh, Derek" she moaned, unable to contain the low sob that broke in her voice. He brushed the tears from her cheek with his lips and added more seriously "not without me,"

They exchanged a loving gaze as Penelope's heart throbbed, singing in her chest while he caressed her face with worshipful eyes.

A small happy beam started brightening her face before she locked her mouth with his feverishly, her heart pounding while he kissed her back hungrily. Her breathing turned to panting as her fingers moved greedily to his face, cradling it smoothly in her hands as he struggled to master his self-control when his hands slid down her frame.

She pulled away for breath and he reluctantly released her than smirked; he knew he could take it slow now; they had all the time in the world.

Opening the car door for her to get in, his eyes already smoky with passion and anticipation he made his way to the other side of the car, hopping in and driving off to his house, thinking hopefully it would become _theirs_ in the very near future.

_One year later_

Penelope glided her hand over her bloated belly, cradling it from above her beautiful wedding dress, looking down and smiling at her unborn child.

This was the happiest day of her life, behind the wooden doors facing her, standing at the altar was no other than Derek, she had awaited that moment for years and it finally came.

She beamed at the kick the baby gave and turned to look at Hotch that called her name, giving her his arm for the walk. She took it and smiled gently at him, tears already starting to prickle her eyes.

The doors opened and she took one step at a time down the aisle, her eyes never leaving her gorgeous looking husband-to-be that wore a breathtaking smile.

She took his hand once at the altar, blushing at his deep loving gaze, his eyes promising forever already in silence.

They faced each other, listening to the traditional words. Derek's face triumphant as hers, they were both winning their long awaited happiness, sealing their victory with their vows in front of their friends and family than heard the priest finally declare them husband and wife as long as they both shall live…

**A/N: dear ****readers, as always an ocean of thank you-s to all of you, who read and reviewed. I **_**loved **_**writing this story and I pray you enjoyed it just as much :D Your encouragements keep me going. Please leave a little bye review for "Destinies" and see you on my next story :)**


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